Saying ‘No’ to lustful thoughts may seem way too simple to be successful. It may even sound a little patronising, because you’ve probably already tried telling yourself ‘no’, and yet you remain firmly dependent on pornography or masturbation.
I’m not here to tell you this is the ultimate solution we’ve all been looking for, but to gently remind you to go back to basics.
Next time you find yourself struggling with temptation, I’d like to encourage you to use the ‘No. Go. Tell’ method.
If you grew up in an Australian school, you may remember chanting ‘No. Go. Tell’ repeatedly in sex education lessons. If you’ve blocked that out of your memory or have never heard of the expression before, it’s simply a phrase taught to children to protect them from ‘Stranger Danger’. To this day, I know if a stranger offers me lollies from the back of their van to scream ‘No!’, to go somewhere safe and tell someone what happened.
I think this is a phrase that can yet again rumble from your lips, not as a vulnerable child, but as the war cry of a brave woman fighting sexual temptation.
Join me, as we re-imagine what those words can mean for us, today.
1. No
As soon as the tiniest smidgen of temptation enters your mind, say ‘no’.
You can keep this internal, but saying it out loud gives you an even stronger chance of avoiding a lapse. Let it be your war-cry!
Say a firm and determined ‘no’ to every lustful thought that comes your way within five seconds. Trust me, you don’t have much longer than that. Don’t even consider playing with those thoughts for any longer. You cannot tell yourself you’ll finish that one fantasy and ‘move on’. Every second counts when it comes to battling addiction. With every passing moment, the temptation grows in power and you begin to build up justifications in your mind.
Saying ‘no’ out loud has the power to break the ritual that’s begun in your brain. It is an active step which disrupts the usual flow of temptation, fantasy and acting out which your brain is determined to complete.
2. Go
Get out of there!
Your tempted brain has locked onto what it wants, and it likely wants to keep you isolated or in poor company so it can complete its task of getting a chemical rush from sexually acting out.
Are you in your room alone with your laptop or phone? Open the door and get out of there.
Are you in a bar or club, being lured away from from sexual sobriety? Head for the door and go home!
Are you home alone? Go and visit a friend, or get outside amongst people.
Let’s be realistic though, temptation often arises in the lonesome hours of the night. This can make getting out of the house or connecting with people a little difficult, but not impossible.
Go in whatever way possible. Get out of your bedroom, open the doors and blinds, turn the lights on and the technology off. Consider going outside to your backyard, patting the dog or watering the garden (Yes, even if it’s 3am!). Perhaps you can drive to a 24/7 K-mart and wander the aisles until you’re bored out of your mind. What about having a spontaneous dance party in your living room or baking a midnight cake?
3. Tell
Without accountability, you will probably give in to temptation. There is power in speaking out about what is bubbling up inside of you to an outside source. Someone who knows that sober you, doesn’t want this. Lustful thoughts multiply and overtake in their natural habitat, the mind. Alone. Hidden. Powerful. Call your accountability partner and text a few friends who are in the loop. Maybe even grab a housemate or family member and let them know. This simple act has incredible power to slay the lust monster and throw you into victory.
You need to say ‘No!’ within five seconds, Go in the next ten, and your accountability partner should know about it before anyone’s had time to even brew a cup of tea. Make sure you tell them what you’re doing to wait out the lust (because, trust me, it feels urgent, but it will dissolve with some distraction), and if you’re spiritual, have a prayer sesh. This may also be a great time to identify the reason you started to slip. Were you bored, lonely, depressed, anxious, rejected or simply pumped with those au naturale desires?
May No. Go. Tell be your new war cry and defence against temptation. Write it on your hand, on your laptop, on your phone lock screen, and do it!
Share your courage on Instagram! Tag @thegspot_ministries and use #thegracespot to show off your ‘No.Go.Tell’ motivation!