Biology, attachment, culture and physiology: Why women are uniquely susceptible to porn addiction

There’s a common misconception that pornography is only a men’s issue.

As a society, we have bought into the myth of the constantly horny man who cannot control his urges and the shy woman who acts as the gatekeeper of virtue and morality, suffering with a proverbial ‘headache’.

It’s almost assumed that all men either watch or struggle with pornography. Have you ever heard someone say something along the lines of ‘ninety percent of men admit to watching pornography…the other ten percent are lying!’. Yeah, me too.

This is not to downplay the significant struggle that many men do face when it comes to pornography, but to emphasize the assumptions that are made about both genders and their habits. For most people, it makes ‘sense’ that men watch porn, even if they find it morally upsetting. That’s just the way men are ‘wired’ right? They’re visual, they can’t say no to a pair of breasts! Women, on the other hand would never consider logging into PornHub to watch sex acts on screen! So people think.

But you may be surprised to find that women are actually uniquely susceptible to pornography addiction, in ways that men simply aren’t- right down to their biology in the womb. We’ve got it all wrong if we think men are the only ones ‘predisposed’ to the temptation of pornography. Pornography is not a men’s issue, it’s a human one.

Pornography is not a men’s issue, it’s a human one. Click To Tweet

There are four main reasons why women are uniquely susceptible to pornography addiction. None of these stand alone, and not all women will relate, but together these four things can create the perfect storm.

1. Female Biology

For the first two months of life all fetal brains have identical neural pathways. But at eight weeks, a testosterone surge in males kills some cells in the communication centres and expands areas dedicated to sex and aggression (1). Female brains though, remain especially structured for social connection. They have greater neurobiological powers of connectivity. This is why women, more than men, recover best in a group context.

Unfortunately, female biology also appears to make girls and women more susceptible to porn addiction in the first place if early relational trauma leaves them with attachment injuries. The female mind has a great relational sensitivity, which makes it more susceptible to stress from inadequate parenting and other relational discomfort. Early stress directly impacts a woman’s vulnerability to mental disorders such as major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder and addiction (2).

This is not to say women are sensitive and weak, nor that every woman with a difficult upbringing will have mental illness or addictive behaviours, but female biological receptiveness to connection (and disconnection) means that relational stress doesn’t need to be dramatic to be quite damaging.

Porn addiction at its core is an intimacy disorder.

Porn addiction at its core is an intimacy disorder. The compulsive search for sexual pleasure is just a symptom of a deeper underlying issue which often has its roots in ruptured intimacy, relational trauma, childhood neglect, abandonment, loss and feeling disconnected and hurt. It is a compulsive desire for connection. It is an attempt at redeeming what was damaged. 

As Marnie Ferree says, ‘From conception to maturity, just being female seems to increase susceptibility to sex and love addiction’. Let’s explore further.

2. Attachment

Attachment is the next topic, as it is intrinsically connected to biology. A female’s biology on its own isn’t going to send her spiralling into pornography addiction, but her connected brain paired with unhealthy or damaged attachment is a recipe for disaster.

Attachment in its simplest form refers to the nature of the relationship between child and the primary caregiver, whether it is secure and safe and whether the child’s basic physical and emotional needs are being met or not. An attachment injury is much like a physical one, something healthy gets broken or damaged. This can be an accident or an act of cruelty. Either way, the intimacy and safety between child and caregiver is ruptured to great detriment.

Because of female sensitivity to and need for connection, these attachment injuries seem to affect girls and women more dramatically than males.

I have firsthand experience of this. My brother and I are only two years apart in age and grew up in the exact same context. Whilst I can see remnants of childhood and adolescent stress expressing itself in my brother and have heard him speak of his frustrations with our parents, I seem to have been impacted in a deeper, more negative way by our shared upbringing and continue to feel a sense of abandonment and resentment for a lack of emotional nurture growing up that he doesn’t.

Of course, there are always many variables at play, but I do consider my ongoing emotional struggles with my parents as a result of attachment injuries which occurred quite early on, and seem to have affected me more deeply than my brother. I credit this in part for my eventual pornography addiction. I was impaired in my ability to form healthy relationships and was starving for affirmation, physical touch and expressions of love and affection.

Disturbed attachment is a hallmark of addiction. This is true of men and women, but seems more prominent in females.

Disturbed attachment is a hallmark of addiction. This is true of men and women, but seems more prominent in females. Click To Tweet

3. Culture

In western culture, women inherit damaging images and beliefs about femininity and sexuality which distort a healthy view of and expression of sex and self. This primes them for pornography use.

Kelly McDaniel outlines four core detrimental cultural beliefs that most women will be affected by. Some women may connect with all four, others with only one or two.

  • I must be good to be worthy of love
  • If I am sexual, then I am bad
  • I am not really a woman unless someone desires me sexually or romantically
  • I must be sexual to be lovable (3)

Can you see the inherent contradictions these beliefs present? To be loved, a woman must be both ‘good’ and sexual. However, being sexual is also classified as being ‘bad’ but to be a ‘real woman’ she must be desired in this way.

Confused? Welcome to the club. These are the twisted cultural beliefs that are forced upon all women, whether they are aware of it or not. These are presented through the media, pornography, religion and society. Slut shaming, victim blaming, purity culture, advertising and opposing cultural subgroups all contribute to this cacophony of beliefs.  

McDaniel classes these beliefs as cultural ‘double-binds’. This is defined as a ‘psychological impasse created when contradictory demands are made of an individual so that no matter what they do, the response will be construed as incorrect…a punishing and inescapable dilemma’(4). They result in nothing but shame. Women are drained of their sense of worth and power, and left with little room for healthy, safe sexual development and identity. They are instead slaves to cultural femininity.

Porn offers an escape from these cultural beliefs. A woman is able to maintain a façade of ‘goodness’ or innocence through the anonymity of pornography or online sex, whilst still feeling sexually wanted and having her physical ‘needs’ met. Porn seems to offer a fantasy world where anything is possible. Women can be both good and sexual, they can feel desired, wanted and pursue sex on their own terms without the risk of being judged and rejected. Of course, the pleasure of pornography soon turns into even more shame and confusion.

Pornography masquerades as a solution to the jumble of paralyzing cultural beliefs women face, but in the end pornography lies at the very heart of these beliefs and traps women further. It is yet another toxic voice demanding an impossible image of femininity.

Viewed in this context, pornography can be seen as a survival mechanism. It is an attempt at surviving a culture that forces women to live in a narrow, damaging sexual margin. An escape. Of course, it is not a very good survival mechanism, but when choosing between impossible options, it seems to provide the best solution in the moment.

Pornography masquerades as a solution to the jumble of paralyzing cultural beliefs women face, but in the end pornography lies at the very heart of these beliefs and traps women further. Click To Tweet

4. Physiology

Pioneer sexual addiction specialist Dr Patrick Carnes first outlined the addiction cycle in 1983 (5). When it comes to female pornography addiction, there is another cycle that must be addressed in tandem with this one. The menstrual cycle!

Now, menstruating does not mean that women are fragile or weak, and their fluctuating hormones aren’t inherently bad, nor will they turn someone into a porn addict, but for a woman with attachment injuries, seeking connection and suffering through binding cultural beliefs, it can pose a risk to their recovery.

There are distinct time-frames within a woman’s monthly cycle that have different effects on the body, from heightened arousal during ovulation to low mood and pain or fatigue in the week preceding bleeding. These different stages continually cycle throughout a woman’s reproductive years, providing extra opportunities to experience sexual or emotional triggers.

Hormonal rhythms make women more susceptible to the temptation of pornography on a regular basis.  The good news is, this sacred cycle can also be utilized in recovery. The predictability of hormonal changes provide an opportunity for women to be proactive in defending their sobriety and mental health.  

Hormonal rhythms make women more susceptible to the temptation of pornography on a regular basis.   Click To Tweet

It is important to note too, that women are visual creatures. Not unlike men, if they see a potential mate with handsome features or a sexually titillating billboard, their thoughts will turn to sex. The reward centre of the brain will light up. Visual triggers can be just as much of a struggle for women as they are for men. Women don’t have sex with their eyes closed, sight is an important sense when it comes to pleasure and intimacy. Their natural sex drive cannot be ignored when it comes to pornography addiction. In this way, women aren’t that different to the men who also struggle with pornography. Porn hijacks normal sexual desire in humans and puts it on overdrive.

Together biology, attachment, culture and physiology make women uniquely susceptible to pornography addiction. It should come as no surprise then that 1 in 3 visitors to adult websites are female and crowds of women are coming forward seeking help from this relentless addiction. Pornography has the power to enslave, it captures men and women for different reasons and plays on each of their unique susceptibilities to keep them in slavery.

Women, know your vulnerabilities and protect yourself. Onlookers, friends, partners and leaders, please understand that women do struggle with porn and there are legitimate and varied reasons behind this. Continue to educate yourself on these matters, and embrace the women in your life with healing arms, rather than in judgement or confusion. It will change their lives and yours.

References

  1. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts, Marnie Ferree (2012) p.45
  2. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts, Marnie Ferree (2012) p.44
  3. Ready To Heal: Breaking Free of Addictive Relationships (Third Edition), Kelly McDaniel (2012) p.31
  4. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts, Marnie Ferree (2012) p.55
  5. Out Of The Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Third Edition), Dr Patrick Carnes (2001) p.19-29

Note: This information has been simplified to suit the context of a short blog, and the sources used are now approximately 8-10 years old. For more information and in depth analysis of research and existing data on women and pornography, see Making Advances. If you’d like to contribute to this field through research, please do. We need much more data on female porn use/addiction.

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