Get Help
Overcoming pornography can feel like a daunting task. To give yourself the best chance at recovery, start with these six simple steps and utilise the resources provided.
Tell someone safe about your struggle. This may be a friend, mentor or professional counsellor. Make sure you confide in someone face to face, not only online. When you keep your issues secret, they grow in power. In the isolation of your mind, shame and self-resentment can thrive. By sharing your struggle, you open a space where truth and healing can be spoken.
Download filtering or accountability software on all of your devices. Using software effectively locks up your vice and restricts access, even if you attempt to use. If you need greater defence, consider getting rid of your devices for the time being. Smart phones can be switched for older models, and internet can be restricted to public Wi-Fi. If your struggle isn’t digital, find other ways to restrict access.
Accountability happens on top of your digital restrictions. It is vital for recovery. It’s not enough to simply share with someone and leave it at that. You need to continue sharing struggles and victories. This can be done one on one, or in a small group. This support will get you through the hardest periods of recovery, and be your first point of contact in times of temptation. Make sure you have a conversation about expectations with your chosen accountability partner or group.
Sexual addiction is a complex struggle. Women experience visual stimulation and sexual curiosity, however female porn use is more often than not linked to an intimacy disorder. It is worth reflecting on what triggers you to use pornography. Be mindful of what emotions and sensations precede and follow any acting out. Consider significant life events or change surrounding a time of excessive use. Reflect on your initial introduction to pornography. This can reveal unmet emotional needs and hidden pain. Discuss this with a professional therapist and consider journaling your thoughts. If you are spiritual, use your reflection time to pray and meditate. This process takes time.
Recovery isn’t all about restricting, it’s about adding to your life. In this case, restoring intimacy. If you have a partner, work on restoring intimacy with them. Equally as important is doing so with your community and God. Take small steps to leave isolation and connect with people. This will look different for each individual, but may look like picking up a hobby or sport, scheduling regular catch ups with friends or ensuring you communicate with your partner well. Connect with God however you need. Remember, he is big enough to handle your pain, anger, questions and struggles.
Take care of yourself. Make sure you are not only tending to your health and hygiene, but making time to do things you enjoy and that give you life. Practice positive self-talk. Abusers, pornography and even the media have a way of draining self-worth and turning women against themselves. It is not easy, but practice self-affirmation and make time on this journey to allow yourself to relax, rest, reflect and feel safe.
Porn: not just a guy’s issue
One in three visitors to adult websites are women. So why is there a resounding silence for women looking for recovery resources? How are women meant to recover when they have simply been left out of the conversation? Alice Taylor knows firsthand the loneliness, shame and desperation of being a woman hooked on pornography. She also knows just what it takes to overcome addiction and live a full life of freedom. Restored offers hope in the form of a guide for any woman struggling with compulsive sexual behaviours. With compassion, vulnerability, a touch of humour, and a uniquely feminine voice, this book outlines the steps needed to break free from pornography and shame, and experience the joy of restoration.